November 2008
Thank goodness that asshole stopped calling.
Does this ever happen to you? You’re dating someone about whom you’re kind of on the fence. You could maybe like them if you really tried but, eh. Then suddenly, they break up with you! Who the hell do they think they are?? You’re hot and they’re barely above the rank of dweeb! Why does this happen? I’ll tell you why- because the universe loves you. Would all be right...
Ain't too proud to skimp.
Times are tough (understatement of the year). Cash is tight for a lot of us and yet the season of gift giving is right around the corner. Ok, no freaking out about things in the future! Let’s focus on being thrifty in the present then maybe we’ll be pleasantly surprised when the time comes to buy stuff.
Today remind yourself: Ain’t too proud to skimp.
You're right on top of that, Rose.
I hesitate to tell you this, but I was given an MP3 player in the year 2000 and, because I had no idea what it was, I just admired its glow the way a baby admires jingling house keys. Terrible. The same thing has happened with other new fangled gifts. I guess I’m just not comfortable being on the cutting edge… Frankly, it’s a miracle I’m not using a loom, a kiln, and a...
You love your family.
Holidays are sort of high pressure situations. Everything MUST be fun and heartwarming, goddamnit. That’s pretty stressful. A lot of people only ever see their relatives under these stressed out circumstances. So your Great Aunt Fran may be calm and cool every other day of the year but you only see her when she’s elbow-deep in turkey screaming about the Snoopy balloon in the...
Please pass the gratitude... And the yams.
Let’s talk turkey. You don’t require a day off, cranberry sauce, and a falsified account re: the founding of America to feel thankful. That’s why you’re so effing fortunate, because everyday, rain or shine, you recognize how great life is. Everytime you remind yourself that you’re worth loving, you’re sending gratitude out into the universe. I’m thankful...
You know how to scratch the itch.
To my mind, there are few things more satisfying than popping a zit. Disgusting, painful, potentially scarring satisfaction - Sometimes it’s just what the doctor ordered. Go on, get yourself some satisfaction, you deserve it.
Today remind yourself: I know how to scratch the itch.
Execute.
Feeling spread thin and over booked with no idea where to even begin? Don’t despair; let’s just start knocking this shit out. Nothing has to be perfect (and I’m not even sure things CAN be perfect) it just has to be done. Take plenty of breaks to hydrate/scream and remember that it’s a blessing to be busy.
Today remind yourself: Execute.
You do not wait by the phone.
It is simply something you do not do. You have impulses to follow that are completely independent from whether or not your phone rings. If someone can’t call when they say they will, that’s their fucking problem. Your show goes on even if they aren’t in the audience.
Today remind yourself: I do not wait by the phone.
You can spunk it up.
You have the power to cheer yourself up! You know the activities, songs, shows, friends, foods, that put you in a great headspace. You can go to your happy place anytime you’re ready, Pretty.
Today remind yourself: I can spunk it up.
Laugh it off.
It happens to the best of us. You say something with conviction only to realize seconds later that what you’ve just said was either moronic, a total lie, or both. (Ex: Last night I told my cast that Dick Cheney is an accomplished butter sculptor. Shortly after the words left my mouth, I remembered that I’d heard that from Paula Poundstone on Wait, Wait… Don’t Tell Me. It is...
You can change your path unexpectedly.
When your day starts out all fucked up, I recommend doing something unexpected to change the course of your day. Surprise yourself and maybe some Butterfly Effect type thing will alter the direction you’re headed. Spin in a circle then touch your elbows together. Whoa, nobody saw that coming. There, that should set you on a different track!
Today remind yourself: I can change my path...
Save it until it counts.
Even though they mean the same thing, there’s a big difference between “it’s all the same to me” and “I don’t give a damn.” Why expend the extra energy using more forceful displays when you don’t have to to be effective? If it’s important, by all means, scream! Otherwise, save your power.
Thought for the day: Save it until it counts.
You are enough.
Fulfillment doesn’t come with finding someone to “complete” you or earning a shiny new trophy. You already are a full, cool, worthwhile person. You’re already complete- you always have been. We, the ones who love ya, see it in you. Take a breath, quiet your mind, and see it in yourself.
Today remind yourself: I am enough.
Onward and upward.
Thank God you’re not still with any of your exs. They were an important part of your growth process and now you’ve out grown them.
Today remind yourself: Onward and upward.
You can catch the spirit without catching The...
Pier 1 Imports is already selling ornaments. The restaurant I’m in right now is playing You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch. It feels a bit early but I get it. They want to jump start those warm holiday feelings. Maybe I’m stating the obvy, but still I’d like to acknowledge that not everyone celebrates these holidays. If that’s you, cool! You can absorb all the cheer you...
Denial blows.
“Dude you should have been there last night! We went to Dorrians and got shitfaced! I made out with a 19 year old and that’s the last thing I remember! I woke up this morning in only my shoes! Somebody puked in my bed and today I’m limping for some reason! It was awesome!” Really? Because it sounds fucking heinous. Why lie and say that was fun when you do ACTUALLY fun...
Nice thoughts for others help you too!
When you want to impress a person, it’s easy to resent the power it seems to give them. But that resentment is a trap. A trap, I tells ya! You have power too. You can influence the atmosphere. Try thinking nice thoughts about the person- really wish them well. When the time comes to impress them, they’ll at least sense the great energy you’re generating. And ha-cha! The situation...
You go at your pace.
Are you one of those impressive people who can schedule and do more than one important thing in a day? Or are you more like me, a person for whom it’s a challenge to do more than one important thing in a week. (Seriously, I planned to do 2 semi-important things today and instead I slept for, I kid you not, 18 hours.) If you’re capable of following through with important scheduling, my...
Where's the fire, hotstuff?
What’s your rush, dollface? Things are going to happen when they happen no matter how much you hustle. Life will never bend to your will, so how ‘bout we take our deathgrip off the metaphorical reins and enjoy the journey!
Today remind yourself: Where’s the fire, hotstuff?
You won't just leave it at "psycho".
The following convo is way too common: “Why did you and Firstname break up?” “(S)he was a total psycho.” Now, does that response sound like the truth to you? It’s way too common for the dumper to label the dumpee as crazy and think that it’s fair. It’s not. Frankly it’s bullshit. There are obviously feelings involved and if the dumper is able to...
Look, I don't wanna fight: you're hot.
Look, I don’t want to fight about this. You’re hot. There’s no denying it. It’s a compliment you probably ought to give yourself fifteen times today.
Today remind yourself: Look, I don’t wanna fight: I’m hot.
It's Safely Help a Stranger Day!
It feels awesome to help a stranger. I’m talking about the little things like holding open a door or donating clothes to goodwill. [I watch a lot of L & O: SVU, so I want to emphasize that under no circumstances should you EVER go ANYWHERE with a stranger, no matter how cute they (or the puppy in their van) are. You might not end up as guest star Andrew McCarthy’s sex slave this...
You can influence your surroundings.
When it’s gloomy outside, it’s easy to get bummed. I’d hate for you to feel crappy all season, so let’s fight back! Your surroundings can influence your mood, but who says you can’t influence your surroundings? You’re way tougher than they are so fuck them. Create your own warmth. Find a sun substitute. See a doctor and medicate responsibly. It’s not worth...
Your thoughtfulness is valuable.
You’re chock full of brains! When presented with choices, you’re fully capable of considering all the options. Because you can rationally see both sides of a conflict, your point of view is well informed. That’s worth something!
Today remind yourself: My thoughtfulness is valuable.